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Friday, July 7th, 2006
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10:15 pm - You will always be missed....
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One year ago to the day you were taken away from us. You brought a beautiful life into the world just to have yours taken away. Not a day has gone by that I have not thought about you and missed you. How could I not think about you. You were my best friend, we experienced so much together and accomplished even more. There was a picture and write up about you in the paper today. It made me smile and at the same time cry. Have you ever tried calling someone on their cell phone, and time after time not being able to reach that person? Well, that is how it feels with you. The one person you want to talk to you can't ... they will never call you back. It is a horrible feeling that never goes away...
I will never forget recieving that phone call... It was a beautiful night like tonight. Not to hott but not cold, not a cloud in the sky. Sitting in my living room at the time, just done eating dinner. On the other end of the phone i hear, " Bethany, baby, died" All I remember thinking is," oh no she lost the baby." However that wasn't the case... In reality we ALL lost you. All i remember feeling is numbness... something i had never experienced like that before. Something I hope to never have to feel again.
Always remember "B" I love you as do many others. I will never forget all the memories we made and shared. I will never forget your smile and that catchy laugh you had. The way you could cheer me up like no other. All those sleepovers we had... lol talking about the boys we liked. When we really knew how gay I was. You were my first and that is something I will cherish forever and always. I couldn't imagine sharing that with anyone else and i can honestly say I am glad it was you.
You are in my heart always and forever. YOu were the best friend anyone could have. Please know Cole is safe and is loved by so many people. He is beautiful and if he is lucky he will be just like his mother.
I LOVE YOU B and may you rest in peace.
Love Forever Your Best Friend "La"
current mood:  sad
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| Monday, August 15th, 2005
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9:41 pm - Huge weight... lifted off my shoulders
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Its amazong how good friends can get you through just about anything. After the past weekend i just had I know that friendship is a powerful thing. Friday night I went to dinner with Sara Brown and Gina, two of my fav. people in the world, I hadn't seen them in about 7 months yet the first thing they did was give me a hug. It felt good to see them again and i wouldn't do anything to lose them again. Saturday Maryn and i spent the morning and part of the afternoon together just like old times. That as well felt amazing, like nothing had ever changed. Saturday night I got to spend time with Susan, her and i have been through a lot yet she always seems to always be there for me without hesitation. It was great to be able to see her again and talk. She even shed a tear when i filled her in on what had gone on for those 7 months. Too see that tear come out of her eye meant a lot, it showed me that in a way she does love me and care for me a lot. Sunday I went up for a going away party, which again felt like old times, to see the expression on Christina's face when she saw me was great. I've missed everything so much and i am more than glad to have it back with no questions. Sarrah and Brandi, those two have been more than amazing. They saw a lot heard a lot yet for me kept their mouths shut but was always there when i needed them, if it wasn't for those two who knows where the hell i would be right now, honestly... I love all of you very much and i hope you know and realize that and i thank you for all you have done. Because when i went into work this morning knowing that all you guys are there for me knowing "she" is put away for 2 months i felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I felt like i could breathe and move again. Patty said to me this morning," Whoa! Look the old Lauren is back the one i met 7 months ago" and all i said to her was good morning. So to all of you thank you for lifting the weight off, putting the color back in my face, making every step a little easier, and for bringing the old Lauren back, as you have missed her so have I. Thank you and I love you ALL!!!
current mood:  content
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| Saturday, August 13th, 2005
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4:08 pm - you live and learn.. even if it is the hard way
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Been a busy kidd lately... By busy i mean working, trying to find a new job and catching up with people i have missed for about 7 months. I have had a lot of explaining and things to do. I feel like sorry isn't enough for everyone, i owe everyone so much more. I don't deserve to have people talk to me still i don't deserve anythign from them, but yet they are there for me like they always have been, and i couldn't be more thankful. I guess like they say you live and learn, and i have learned a lot, about life, relationships, "family",and life in general. To the ones i haven't yet had the chance to talk with, I am sorry I disappeared and stopped calling... i wish i could go back, but you can't there is no way to go back and change mistakes, but you can learn from them and i have.. so i am sorry...
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| Saturday, August 6th, 2005
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10:14 pm - You'll always be my best friend....i love you....
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Called your phone tonight B... just to hear your voice... i heard your voicemail and at first i thought i was going to just break down ... but then i smiled and thought, hmm maybe i will leave a message. But I didn't.. instead i sent you a page... and all i put was 143... i love you and miss you terribly somedays more than others... there isn't a day that goes by where i don't think about you.. there isn't an hour that passes that i don't think about all the good times and memories and there is never a time where i don't love you. I had dinner and a nice long talk with your sister tonight, and i needed that more than i thought i did. there are so many things that i want to say to you.. but most of all i want to hug you, i need a B hug more than anything in this world. I've never wanted to hug somebody so bad before. I want to thank you as well, because i know right now you are watching over me plus many others. But i know you are watching over me, because of the incodent in walmart the other day. why else would i have run into melissa with sean there... there is no other way, i know you brought me there. And for that i thank you so much.. and i know in your own way you are harassing melissa and i love you for that even more. she even told me the other day that she told you," to leave me the fuck alone Bethany" B I have never laughed so hard.
i've had many people come in and out of my life, but you have always been there, and i can honestly and truely say you are my one and only true best friend.. there are no words that could explain what you mean to me, i miss you horribly and i know if you were around right now you would give me the slap in the face that i need and tell me to cut the shit.. so some how please find a way to slap me right now and tell me to cut the shit. I haven't found the stregnth to go to where you are now and say what i need ot say to you because i still won't except the fact that you're gone, but i promise you, i will go. i miss you B and love you always and for ... remember.. La & B ~B.F.F.L I LOVE YOU BABY GIRL <3
current mood:  drained
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| Sunday, December 19th, 2004
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10:08 pm
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FINALLY got my Christmas shopping done YaY! Wicked excited! And i got to go with two hot girls Kellie and Robyn, SWEET DEAL!!! I love flirting with them because they flirt right back! They may be straight but it is fun and gets my kicks out! ;-D
was a good weekend had to work a lot yesterday but i got my haircut, i love it! and i worked with marisol and robin later on so it went by fast and it was fun!
went and saw karen last night, always good to go have a karen lauren talk i love those. I met up with foster and karen at the mall too. did spend a whole lot of time with them though...
going to mom's early christmas eve then not sure where from then... then dads and angies christmas day. should be good, im working at KB monday tuesday and thursday fun times haha well except for thursday i have to work with meg... eeewww rain gear night haha
to all those i don't talk to HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!
I'M OUT!!!
current mood:  high
current music: roomies watchin tv
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| Friday, December 17th, 2004
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11:53 pm
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x: name: Lauren
:x: shoe size: 8
:x: siblings: Sister~ Heather and Stepsister~ Nicole
:x: jr.high: Southside Jr High
:x: elementary: Green Acres
:x: hometown: Manchester
:x: favorite place: my room
:x: favorite soda: Mt DEW
:x: game system: umm don't have a favorite one
:x: favorite food: chicken
:x: favorite book: none
:x: favorite pen: no idea
:x: favorite car: Audi
:x: favorite animal: Penquins
:x: water brand: ??? its just water
:x: favorite burger place: wendys
:x: favorite hobby: drawing
:x: favorite friends: Sarrah and Heather
:x: bar or club: used to be the -3-
:x: favorite vitamins: don't take them... hmm maybe i should start
:x: favorite show: No time for tv... so i really don't have one
:x: favorite news: ????
:x: gold or silver: silver
:x: favorite dog: Siberian Huskies
:x: cell phone co.: Sprint
:x: favorite shirt: my new sweater
:x: favorite sport: SOCCER
:x: favorite alcohol: Malibu and Pinapple Juice
:x: favorite computer: haha not mine
:x: favorite fruit: pinapple
:x: favorite song: way to many to choose from
:x: ketchup or salsa: ketchup
:x: favorite milkshake: vanilla
:x: steak or lobster: thats to hard to choose from
:x: favorite color: blue
:x: favorite weather: i love the fall
:x: favorite states: Connecticut
you?
:x: have a crush on someone: on a few ;-)
:x: wish you could live somewhere else: yes, arizona
:x: think about suicide: no
:x: believe in online dating: nope
:x: think others find you attractive: sometimes i wonder
:x: want more piercings: nah, i like the ones i have
:x: like cleaning: i love it... haha anal annie
:x: like roller coasters: i like them.. they make me sick though thats a bummer
:x: write in cursive or print: depends on my mood
:x: last talked to: Jill
:x: last thought of: maryn actually
:x: last showered: this morning
:x: last cut your nails: sunday
:x: last did laundry: holy shit no idea.. i am running out of clothes.. doing it sunday on my day off...
:x: last hugged a tree: haha
:x: last watched anime: no idea
:x: last prayed: again no idea
for or against?
:x: long distant relationships: against
:x: killing people: against
:x: teenage smoking: guess i can't say against... no one should do it.. i shouldn't have started.. haha smokin one now
:x: driving drunk: against, did that once :-( not smooth on my part
:x: gay/lesbian relationships: all for that!
:x: soap operas: i don't care for them
have you?
:x: ever cried over a boy: ummm not that i can remember.. that would be funny though, don't you think
:x: ever been in a fist fight: no
:x: ever been arrested: no
:x: ever had a friend die: no, i am lucky to say
:x: ever dated a cousin: gross
:x: ever used a gun: no
:x: ever frenched kiss: maybe a few times ;-)
:x: ever finished a puzzle: yup yup yup
:x: ever got surgery: ya 2
:x: ever got beat up: no
:x: ever hated someone: yes
:x: ever made a huge mistake: all the time
:x: ever tried any drugs: ya
:x: ever jogged a mile: yes
:x: ever played w/ someones feelings: no, thats an icky feeling
:x: ever had feelings for someone young: no
what?
:x: shoes do you wear: used to be my sandals.. they broke :-( now sneakers
:x: do you sleep in: depends on weather
:x: did you eat for lunch: uuhhhh..... pizza
:x: is love: have yet to find that
number?
:x: of times I have had my heart broken?: 2
:x: of hearts I have broken?: one.....
:x: of girls I have kissed?: 5 or 6
:x: of boys I have kissed?: 3 yuck.. don't want to think about that
:x: of guys/girls you've rejected?: none
:x: of drugs you taken: 1
:x: of accidents you been in: :: knock on wood :: none
:x: of people you lead on?: none
:x: of people you broke up with?: 1
do you think you are?
:x: pretty: sometimes my eyes
:x: funny: at times
:x: hot: hot? no
:x: friendly: i like to think so
:x: ugly: thats a nice question...
:x: loveable: yea<3
:x: caring: ya... even if i shouldn't be
:x: dorky: of course
:x: cocky: depends
:x: girly: when it comes to a few things
:x: boyish: but of course
:x: smart: yup
:x: pimp: no
:x: angel: is anyone
:x: gangster: no no
:x: god: def not
favorite?
:x: five letter word: i don't know
:x: comedian: don't have one
:x: candy: snickers
:x: cartoon: i don't remember the last timei watched a cartoon
:x: cereal: Cinnamon Toast Crunch or Fruit Loops
:x: chewing gum: any
:x: day of week: any day i get off
:x: least fave day: monday
:x: jello flavor: not a big fan of the jello
:x: summer/winter: SUMMER
:x: trampolines or swimming pools: i love to swim
person who last?
:x: slept in your bed: amanda
:x: saw you cry: sarrah
:x: made you cry: ummm....
:x: you went to the movies with: susan i think... a long time ago
:x: yelled at you: some freakin' lady at KB
:x: sent you an email: haha netzero
have you ever?
:x: said "i love you" and meant it?: i don't say it unless i mean it
:x: gone out in public in your pajamas?: of course
:x: kept a secret from everyone?: ya
:x: cried during a movie?: yup
:x: ever at anytime owned new kids on the block?: still do haha
:x: planned your week based on the TV Guide?: lol no
:x: been on stage?: when i was in pre-school
:x: been to New York?: no
:x: been to California?: no
:x: been to Florida?: yes
:x: Hawaii?: no
:x: China?: no
:x: Canada?: no
:x: Europe?: no
:x: what time is it now?: 12:29 am
:x: apples or bananas?: apples
:x: blue or red?: blue
:x: walmart or target?: target
:x: spring or fall?: Fall!
:x: what are you gonna do after you finish this?: go to bed
:x: what was the last meal you ate?: pizza at lunch
:x: are you bored?: yes but more tired
:x: last noise you heard?: the cat flippin' out
:x: last smell you sniffed: clean cotton
:x: last time you went out of state/province?: lst time i went to Ct. maybe this summer
friendship/love?
:x: do you believe in love at first sight?: when it happens maybe.. if it does that is
:x: do you want children one day & if so, how many?: yes, 2 or 3
:x: most important thing to you in a friendship is?: communication comfort and trust
random stuff?
:x: criminal record?: no
:x: do you speak any other languages?: no i get confused
:x: name some of your favorite things in your bedroom?: my bed and pictures
:x: piercings and where?: ears tongue
:x: worst feeling in the world?: being alone
:x: whom you love: FAMILY and friends
your?
:x: nickname(s): Kidd Kookie and trouble
:x: initials: LEA
:x: how old do you look?: people tell me 24
:x: how old do you act?: depends on where i am
:x: glasses/contacts?: neither
:x: braces: had them
:x: do you have any pets?: Cat~munch
:x: you get embarrassed?: yeah
:x: what upsets you? lying
current mood:  sleepy
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1:02 am - Lets hope it works!
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Okay, now I think my computer is fixed... or so i hope! :::crosses fingers::: :-D
Been a busy week, work a lot but i guess i can't complain... well maybe i can about monday because i had to work with Meg.. EEEWWW!!!!!
Worked 8:30 am to 11:45 Monday Tuesday only had to work at the daycare which was nice. Hungout with Susan for the first time in a long time. It was nice i got to find out what was going on in her life and got to laugh. I missed that.
Worked last night and tonight until 11:45 too.. damn, thats nuts but i guess there is always a plus side to that too. Got to flirt with Robyn last night ( innocent flirting, she's straight) and tonight worked with Marisol! :-D BIG GRIN on this end!YEEEEEAAAA BOOIIII!!!!
working at the daycare until tomorrow 11 tomorrow night, good money though ;-) haircut saturday from robyn only ten bucks, sweet deal and she is going to wash my hair too, even BETTER!!!!! I did get Sunday off of work but only because i said i would work MOnday tuesday and thursday.. and thursday is with Meg... Yuck again!
Anyway, nothing to much is going on, i think i need to go to bed now.. i am beat.. so on that note
I'M OUT!!!
ps~ someone very random IMed to my phone the other night... didn't really want to hear from them... funny how people can be sometimes.. haha
current mood: exhausted
current music: the highway~ roomies r sleeping need to be quiet
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| Friday, December 10th, 2004
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10:16 pm
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Finally got my computer up and running and have the internet back... I am psyched! Yeeeeaaaaa Boooiiii!!!! And its great I am in my own place, well with the roomies of course sitting in my room smoking a butt listening to music and can talk to people..i haven't done this in forever.
Things are going good, still working two jobs but i don'tmind it pays rent and i have now caught up on my bills and i feel like my life is finally back on track. We have a new manager at KB she is cool and gets things done. Even better we get a long and she doesn't get a long with many people, she is great! And robin is hott...haha I think i need to take her out for a drink ;-)
Talked to Papa about money and working. He doesn't like me working so much he says i work to hard and i think i maybe looking at another raise possibly... he wants to try to give me another $100 a week but doesn't know if he can pull it but wants to try and see what he can do. YA for me ! That is why I love the daycare they try and take care of me and make sure i have what i need :-)
Sarrah's birthday is tomorrow! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETIE !!!! I LOVE YOU! Hope it is a great one you deserve it!
DOn't have to work this weekend, Marisole ( haha love her ) gave me the weekend off she is amazing haha! She makes me happy, so I am going to mom's for the day tomorrow and then sunday going to my dad's to see everyone!
Had a BIG scare with my dad but he is okay now... :::PHEW::: sigh of relief.. makes you realize some things. I would be lost without him.. Love You Dad
On that note I'M OUT!!!!!
PS~ Miss my Plymouth Girls :-(
current mood:  grateful
current music: Sweet Caroline ( dance mix )
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| Sunday, November 7th, 2004
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1:28 pm
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My wisdom tooth is driving me crazy!!!!! I wish it would just come through already... now i know what babies feel like :-/
I'm up in plymouth right now hangingout with some of the greatest people, haha watched everyone get shit faced last night, it was great! A cat weasled its way into the apartment this morning and is now sleeping on the futon, awww how cute! I am psyched i don't have to work today, i love the fact that i can actually longe around up here today and not have to do a damn thing! How often does that happen? UMMM never!
So i found out that the day after Thanksgiving, i have to be at work for 4:30 am... YUCK who the fuck does that! That should be a great weekend.. don't you think? Other than that stuff nothing much is going on, working a lot and have no sleep YaY for me haha!
so... I'M OUT!!!!
current mood: tired
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| Sunday, October 31st, 2004
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7:07 pm
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so i am up in plymouth again, i love it up here.. however i am in one of my moods... ya know the ones i cant explain and can't get away from... i hate that...i had a great weekend, so i guess i don't know where this feeling is coming from..oh well,i am sure it will pass, just not exactly sure when... Ange is coming to see me at work tuesday which i can not wait for... i need a good ange talk.. i miss that,i miss her, the girls, jay, jeralyn... :-( got to see them last night which was amazing, they are wonderful people. i truely miss them though and a part of me wishes that i still lived with them. I miss the family.
working doubles monday tuesday and friday this week.. and i work again on sat. It was nice to have this weekend off however, its been a while since i have had one of those. My roomies are amazing they make me laugh all the time. i hear other people complain about their roommates and how they aren't happy blah blah... which makes me feel good to know that i get a long with mine so great and i can count on them for anything! Thanx ROOMIES! on that note i need to go spend some time with amanda... i feel bad that i am in a shitty mood... sorry baby...
IM OUT!!!!
current mood:  blah
current music: Dave Mathews
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| Saturday, October 23rd, 2004
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9:27 am
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So she had to get up and go to work this morning :-/ not a happy girl about that. So I am sitting here drinking a coffee listening to the tv and debating about going to have a butt. I have to work today 4-10 BLAH! But i am not leaving here until amanda comes back here for her half hour break, then i need to go home and see what is going on with my roomies.
so i have a feeling that this week is going to be extremely long! I work all week and a double tuesday and thursday. Thursday won't be to bad, however tuesday will suck! I have to work with Meg... she is so gross!!! Then Friday Sarrah and i are on our way up here ( plymouth ) to pick up my baby and bring her back home with us! It will be fun.. haha i think i may smoke her up.. haha!!! Saturday night i am babysitting cody, taylor, hailey , sarah and emily. I am so excited i haven't seen them in a while, i miss them ALL so much! It will be weird babysitting hailey... i haven't had the chance to babysit her yet. But hey what is one more adorable kid to watch right? ok i think i need a butt now.. I'M OUT!!!!
current mood: tired
current music: tv
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| Friday, October 22nd, 2004
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7:38 pm - she's amazing!!!
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so i have been up to Plymouth a lot lately, but for good reasons :-D I thank my lucky stars for christina and bethen not only are they amazing friends that i love but they helped me find Amanda! This girl is unbelievable, one of the sweetest most caring person i have ever met before. Not to mention that she is adorable too!!! She makes me feel good about myself and that i am truely cared about. I am looking forward to getting to know her and making memories with her, i think... no no.. i know this a great thing and that i am going to be a very happy kid. Thanks Baby you're amazing!
Work is good, although i am working a lot thats ok it keeps me busy.. keeps me away from Amanda but well, that is life i suppose. Roomies are doing great, they are the best i couldn't have asked for better ones! i love you girls.
To the Plymouth crew i love you all and i am looking forward to spending time with all of you! :-D
K, time for some quality time with the amazin girl!!!
I'M OUT!!!
current mood: ecstatic
current music: CD amanda made for me
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| Wednesday, August 11th, 2004
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4:53 pm
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so its been a while. i don't have the internet at the apartment so i have lost touch with many people... :-( i saw everyone but SB on thursday night... SB i miss you :-/ i wasn' going to go to the club but it is a good thing i went because everyone was there minus SB ... karen didn't tell me they were coming.. lol thanks a lot i could have missed them all.
nothing to exciting is gooing on.. starting monday i am in a new room at work ... it will be MY room and i will be taking on all the responsibilty of the 3 year olds.. i will be having someone work with me but just as a helper.. and i get more pay too. they said i have opened their eyes to a lot of things and they are going to change a lot... which is a def plus and makes me feel good.
i am supposed to go to karen and fuller's game tonight but the weather isn't looking to promising at all... hmmmm then susan is cuttin my hair and then watching movies :-D Yeaaaa BOooooiiiii!!!!!
on that note i am out! Plymouth Girls i miss you!!!! call me at this number... 661-7801 esp. you SB
current mood: guilty
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| Sunday, June 27th, 2004
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2:50 pm
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so its been a while.... hmm lets see... had a good week. thursday club, that was fun, haha courtney showed up and guess who else haha! Fuckin' Dueche Bag Maryn! funny how she says nothing to me but makes it a point to say things to Sarrah and Susan! Ha Fuckin HA! and as always she made herself look like an ass... fuckin made out with lilia... haha jenn's ex... as brandi puts it they are all probably having a three some/... ewwwww! but i did talk to frampton, and her drunken self! Fridaynight went to a BBQ qith sarrah and susan.. ummm al i have to say is eeewwwww we were kicking poop around.. fuckin gross... then we headed to brandi's that was fun! i started not to feel good though... oh well... woke up sat with a not so good belly! but i made it through and went to a concert with Susan... thanx hun for asking me to go with you .. sorry i didn't feel good... still don't feel so hot right now. :-/ at the moment i am at amanda's with sarrah.. prob goign to brandi's later.. so i am OUT!!!!
current mood:  sick
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| Sunday, June 20th, 2004
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9:50 pm
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ahhhh i can't get my AIM to work.. fuckin thing.. so if you want to get a hold of me call or IM me at Kidd143.... Blah! wonder whats wrong with it.... anyhow i am more than tired.. so i will update more tomorrow or something.. right now, i am going to bed.
Sarrah, Brandi, Suz, Karen and Fuller thank you for an awesome week at ryan's, i am sad i am back at home :-/ i liked having that place and rooming with sarrah for a week being able to do what we wanted to when we wanted tooo... soon enough though Brandi and i will have a place and we will be all sat!!! YaY!
PSU Girls~ thanx for a great night, it was fun as always!
PS karen i didn't fall asleep that fast... :-P
I'M OUT!
current mood: exhausted
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| Sunday, June 13th, 2004
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8:48 pm - YaY!!!!
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at ryans house from sat to sat.. i am loving it. Sarrah is staying here with me, so it is our house for a week YaY!!! we had karen fuller laura here for a while then brandi showed up :-) and kristin and her friend nicole too, sweet deal! everyone left except brandi and sarrah and we drank until 2 am haha YaY! we watched Gothika too, i liked it
today sarrah and i bummed around until 2:45. brandi left at ten and we had a grad thing to go to.. then came home and made some dinner! it was yum!
work tomorrow, i think i would enjoy it much more if i got paid more, ya think? so i asked ange today if i could have at least a half day off this week so i can get the apartment app to the lady and go check out UPS... seeing as though you can't go to UPS and find out on the weekends... haha that sux!
on that note i have a headache, I'M OUT!!!
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| Saturday, June 12th, 2004
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12:18 pm - fun
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i think i was at that softballl field every night, except for friday.. haha damn! and i don't even play. Wed night when i went, i got drenched in the storm it took them 20minutes to call the game, idiots, hello there was lightning all around! it made the sky pink!
thursday night was the club, it was fun. a few things i wasn't impressed with but what are you goign to do. i did find out from someone though that i am a hoe that needs to go fuck herself.. haha awesome! played a lot of pool, i even got 5 in a row in one game, YaY go me!
talked to susan at the club, it was nice i miss having her around. sarrah and brandi well, haha.. is all i have to say, they are coming with me to ryan's.. haha fun times.
work was long yesterday got to bed a little after 2 and was up at 6.. worked 7:30-4... i was supposed to get out at 3-3:30 so i didn't take a lunch.. haha i didn't leave until 4 thats awesome!met up with susan, she was hungry so i drove her to wendy's! where she always eats her fries first haha ;-) then off to get coffees mine was gross YUCK! then to amanda's for a little bit. Thomas was funny! then she had to go back to work, it was nice just hangingotu with her for a bit though!
today some errans and then off to ryan's until next sat! i think i may take my computer over there... i guess his isn't actin right.. go figure..
I'M OUT!!!!
current mood:  hungry
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| Sunday, June 6th, 2004
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11:27 pm - how about... you practice what you preach....
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kind of funny how you are now "chillen" with brandi's best friend... how does that work? are you doing it to get back at brandi for whatever she has done.. which has been nothign but honest wiht you about not wanting a relationship with you? thats nice hun... real nice... you have always said that all you want from people is honesty and that is the way it should be with everyone.. and you know what you are right! Absolutely FUCKIN' right my dear.. but how about you do that yourself. hiding things is not being honest... you preach honesty on everyone yet you don't do it yourself, how is that right? I have always been honest wiith you and i expected thesame from you... you couldn't give me that. so i found out the truth and yet i know things must have been said about me because you haven't called to "defend" yourself or try to explain... thats awesome. I guess you aren't the person i thought you were, and i am sure i am not the person you thought i was. But i am one thing, and that is honest. i've told you how i have felt about things no matter what they might be and asked you questions trying to get you to tell me... i wanted to know.. i didn't like the fact that you hid things and wouldn't tell... it made me feel stupid... so for making me feel stupid i say FUCK YOU! why did you do that? make me feel stupid... did you get some kicks out of that? You always say how you are mature for your age.. but you have yet to prove that... this maybe harsh, but i am being honest, you have some growing up to do... you always told me how you wished you could be like me, in the way that i pay my bills and get things done somehow no matter what the cost, or how i am always on time and responsible... yet at the same time you say that you would put me down for it too.. you may not think i have caught the little side comments or the mumbles under your breath.. but you have forgotten that i am a smart kid and i pick up on things. so as you try to make me feel good you ruin that by belittling me at the same time.. thank you for that. but even a bigger thank you for making me see what kind of person you truly are... does it hurt, of course it fuckin hurts...
we were friends for over 3 years and made so many memories, and experienced so many different things with each other.. so yes it is fuckin hard as hell... there is always something there to remind me... sometimes i get sad, somethimes pissed.. and sometimes i get so numb i think nothing at all.... so thank you for the memories, and i hope you are happy.. all-in-all i wish you nothign but the best... good- bye.............
for those of you who read that i am sorry... just my way of letting a FEW things out..... and I'M OUT
current mood:  blank
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| Saturday, June 5th, 2004
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9:54 pm
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after reading the journal entries, i am not in the mood to make one myself.. so all i am going to say is...
PSU Girls, I cherish each and everyone of you, i am here for you all if you ever should need me, remember that.... please....
*** HUG *** and i love you to ALL!
current mood: gloomy
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| Thursday, June 3rd, 2004
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8:26 pm - ExHaUsTeD!!!
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No club tonight sorry ladies I am one tired kid! not really in the mood to update either haha.. but yesterday, went looking at apartments with brandi and sarrah, fun times! went to jason's good to see him i like him he makes me laugh! went to karens game! haha moth in sarrah's eye at like 50 mph fuckin hilarious, then a bug got stuck in her eye!
christina made me sad, but i understand ;-) miss you hun! went to TGIFridays with karen jen fuller and her friend sara. that was fun too even though i was tired.. lol no sleep at all last night which leads to no club tonight!
sister comes home in like 3 weeks, i am so excited! :-D haven't seen her since christmas! and justin too i miss him just as much love you guys!
SB~ gave me a hard time about brownies.. and made me jump haha i am a fuck! :-)
KAren and HS ~ sorry no club.. you said we would be there by nine but tonight the only place i will be by 9 is my bed!!! haha
tomorrow night dinner with dad sandy , sandy's mom and dad and nicole! i am excited...
should be moving out by the end of june early july! YaY!!!! :-D
I'M OUT!!!
current mood: exhausted
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